11

Any other girls who are with military men ever feel like you come second to his job? I'm starting to feel that way. He's been working so much, even on weekends and it's starting to get to me :(. I mean, I feel like I barely exist when this happens. Not a good feeling :(. I know it's not his fault and I know he probably hates it just as much as I do, it's just starting to bug me is all.

And I'm slightly annoyed at Xbox. Batman: Arkham Asylum to be exact. There's this damn phone, and it's ringing.....and I can't freakin remember for the life of me which button to push to answer it. It's driving me crazy, because it's a side story and I really wanna get it done so I can move on with my life D:. So if anyone knows what I'm talking about and how to answer it...... please let me know!!! :p

10

My hair is red again. My friend Shawna dyed it for me lastnight. I really really like it. I feel like it suits me well. You know, since I'm kind of a fiery bitch and all lol. We also decided we're going to join the religion of Jediism. Basically, we're gonna be Jedi. It's cool, we know we're awesome :p. I'm rambling. Ta Ta for now!!!!

9

I'm pretty peeved right now. Lately (since I moved back into my parents house), my parents have been expecting me to ask permission when I want to have Kenny over. Fine. I'm not a child and I don't think I should have to ask, but whatever keeps the peace. He's not even over here that often anyway. What pisses me off though, is that they don't expect the same of my brother when he wants to have his girlfriend over. Now, I have no issue with my brother or his girlfriend. I could care less if she sleeps over or not, it's not my business. I'm more mad about the principle (I probably used that in the wrong context) of the situation.

Now, some back story. Kenny and my mom do not get along. She has a massive problem with him for whatever reason. I think it has something to do with the fact that when he comes over, he doesn't really talk to her. But why would he? Since we got together she's really never been all that nice to him. When he's here she usually always tries to start something with him. She's taken both of our belongings and put them outside, put chairs in front of the door so we can't get in, sent him messages on facebook when he had one and threatened to call his family and say things that aren't true. She's also threatened to call the police before. And last time he was here, she waited for my dad to go to bed and then came downstairs and started accusing Kenny of cheating on me with his ex (who he has a restraining order against, by the way) when he went home for christmas leave. She's also accused him of stringing me along, lying to me, etc etc. So that's the back story on the situation.

Again, I'm not mad that my brother has his girlfriend over. That's not the issue here. Basically, I'm feeling like it's not fair for me to have to ask permission when he doesn't. Am I wrong in feeling this way? Idk, I feel like it's kind of a double standard. My feeling is that if they expect me to ask before Kenny comes over, shouldn't they expect the same of my brother?  It seems to me that they, for whatever reason, feel the need to treat me like a child when I'm not and I don't think that's fair. At all. It's not like we have a bunch of people over and party in their house. We sit around and watch tv and then go to sleep. Maybe have sex, idk. It just seems so ridiculous!!!!! and I'm really tired of it.

But unfortunately I can't move out unless A: I find a room mate who is willing to split rent with me, or maybe two room mates. B: Kenny moves with me and agrees to help pay rent out of pocket since we're not married or C: Kenny and I get married so we can get our own place. C is not an option. I don't want to get married specifically to fix the problem, even though we're planning on getting married anyway. And he doesn't want to go with option C either. It just doesn't seem like the right way to start our marriage. B might be an option if I can get him to talk to me about it, but he's so busy with work we don't ever have time to talk about stuff like this. A seems like the most plausible option, but I don't know anyone who wants to move or needs a room mate. I just don't know what to do. I can't keep living like this because I'm always angry and depressed in this house. But I have no way out.....

I guess I just feel like I shouldn't have to put up with this treatement when I'm the only one who ever has to deal with it. I know it's their house blah blah, but it's not fair. I said something about it to my dad earlier and he got mad at me and said I was saying it specifically to make my brother and his girlfriend uncomfortable, which is bullshit. Why would I try and make them uncomfortable? It's not their fault my parents apparently live by a double standard. I'm just at the end of my rope here.

8

It's way too quiet in my house right now. I was listening to music but my mom's laptop decided to be stupid and turn off pandora so now I'm sitting here in silence. and filling up my corkboard with post it notes for sessions lol. As you can probably tell, I'm pretty bored. Which is why I'm blogging. I don't really know what I want to write about, so maybe I'll just ramble? Yeah, Rambling seems like a good idea.

So lastnight I went over to Shawna's house and Kenny was there <3. We hot tubbed. Hot tubs are my new favorite thing. It was actually really fun! I like to go in hot tubs with Kenny because he holds me and let's me sit on his lap, for once :p. He's not normally a really snuggly guy unless we're in bed. Then he likes to spoon and sometimes he'll let me lay my head on his chest <3. I love laying my head on his chest and listening to his heart beat. it really relaxes me and makes me feel like i'm not the only one out there running around all crazy in the world :p. He really is my better half <3.

My cat is snoring really loud. He snores and drools. gross.

7

I'm literally sitting here watching Harry Potter. I've been watching it all day. I think I'm attempting to watch the entire series. I'm not entirely sure though. Probably trying to watch the whole series :p. I gotta say, I do love these movies. They sort of allow my inner child to come out and live vicariously through the actors. I always wanted to go to Hogwarts..... :p.

Anyway, I don't really know what else to write on this so I'm gonna just talk out of my ass. I still need to finish unpacking all my stuff >.>. I moved last weekend and I still haven't finished unpacking. I'm laaazy!!!! but I do need to stop being so lazy and finish it up. There's boxes all over the place which is annoying, because when I get up in the middle of the night to go pee I trip over a box XD. It's rather annoying, really. Ah well, I'll get around to it eventually.

Otherwise my life hasn't been eventful as of late. I don't really have anything to do in my down time, which makes me a very sad panda. Hopefully I'll go out and take some photos soon or do something :).

6

So, since all my posts have been angry and depressing I'm posting a happy one. I went with my dad the other day down to san diego to see some harbor seals. They were soooooo cuuuute! and fat! We walked around and saw them laying all on the beach (which is pretty much all they do :p). Soo cute. <3

5

Valentine's Day. I officially hate it. Not only do I now see it as just a ploy by companies such as hallmark and sees candies to make a shit ton of money, but it all around sucks. I have a man who doesn't particularily like Valentine's Day. Therefore, we do not celebrate it. So I wasn't expecting anything from him at all, but I didn't even get a text message. So understandably, I was hurt. I know he's busy with work and stuff but it still hurt, especially since I spent all day making/decorating cookies and a sentimental card (in which I spilled my guts out to him :p). So it hurt to not even get a text in response.

But that wasn't even the worst part. What was worse was seeing everyone else and their mother getting things. Even skankbags and wife beaters got shit! Again, It's not about the materialistic things here, I just would have appreciated knowing that he was thinking about me..... And everyone posting all over facebook all day like "hubby got me this" or "boyfriend did this for me" blah blah blahdy blah!!! Just shut up already! It's one day, and he paid way too much for that shit that you're going to eat and then shit out anyway! Why waste the money? Why not just express your love for each other every day, by doing little things for each other or just being there for each other? Why do we need one day where we buy useless shit for our significant others? It all just seems so materialistic to me.

And yes, I may be a little bit jealous that I didn't get anything. But, I have something better than a box of chocolates which I will eat, digest the nutrients out of and then convert into piss and shit. I have a man who loves me and shows me he loves me every day of the year, not just on one day. I have someone who sticks by my side through thick and thin, good times and bad and who genuinely loves me for who I am, not for what I am handing him on february 14th. And that's what keeps me going through this stupid day. The thought that I have something real. True Love. And that's better than any flower (which will be dead by tomorrow, by the way) or stuffed animal or candy <3.